She. Just Her.

This is the worst moment. It’s the point in my head, the time I’m too free almost. I’ve been trying to get used to not seeing my wife and its killing me. So many things have compounded themselves over the last few weeks that it sometimes feels too difficult to think straight. Although we’ve managed to get through an 8 hour time difference and a bad phone line it still doesn’t stop me from feeling like I need more. That’s not unusual I guess because from the foundations up I just want to see her.

The worst part of being away from her isn’t even close to being sad and lonely, it’s more than that. It’s like remembering your best ever holiday or seeing a photo of you with a person no longer with us… only there is no friend nearby who can empathise with you because it’s all in your heart so it can’t be endured by any others except yourself or her.

That is the single most painful thing about being away right now.

With that awful time difference, I can’t be there with my wife to tell her how I feel. She’s starting her day when mine ends. Your minds are not in sync all the time… I might call her and she’s on her way out to work whereas mine has started to close down for the day and just wants wholesome banter. It’s true that long distance relationships are hard but even in all the adversity ours works.

I know that because I’m married to her. I’m married to her because from the outset I knew I loved her, so no matter what I’ll always put her feelings before mine. It was a complete no brainer in that respect.

Be under no illusion though… this really isn’t easy. What your heart tells you is true and the fact you’ve let it rule your thoughts is a truly terrifying thing.

Only recently have I begun to realise all the things I’m leaving behind here in the UK. And this is the moment that your head takes over from your heart. It’s such a big deal isn’t it? I mean I’m giving up everything to move. It was only the other day when a friend of mine said we should all meet up (in a group text) saying because ‘it’s been a while and Tom is moving away forever so we won’t see him’ that it hit home.

I’m going to miss everyone terribly but you know what? Everyone I know has made decisions in their life to either be with someone… get married or have kids and move away… or just move away. It’s not the move it’s the people you leave behind. They tick along and everything just continues without you mind… my life will continue of course. But I won’t have anyone left from the UK in my LA life… fact!...ever.

So take into account the factors… I’m selling everything I own. Nothing can come with me and I’m saying goodbye to everyone I know. Write it like that and it sounds harsh but you know what its true! I’m leaving everything and starting again. Literally from scratch.

But I’ve done it before when I lived in Australia, I’ve got great friends and a big family network. I’ll just do it again… only this time it’s just well, forever.

I get scared yes and that’s normal. I get worried and that’s normal. You know, I’m just normal. I feel these things because it’s bloody normal.

Have I made the right choice? Yes. Am I in love? Yes. Will I have the support network there I have here. You bet. My wife, her mum, dad and siblings have been nothing short of spectacular inS making sure I’m welcome, loved and family. I really couldn’t ask for anything more.

I know I’ll be fine because I’ve been through moments of settling in… making work contacts and just mucking in. From the moment I fell in love with my wife I knew she could live on the flipping moon and I’d move there to be with her.

My heart knew.

That my friend is all I ever needed to know.